The rest of the week is sort of a blur when I think back on it. Matt has not kill me yet, so I suspect he doesn’t know Sammie’s been around my place a few times. I’m not looking forward to him finding out. Maybe Sammie is right and he won’t mind it, but somehow I doubt that.

    Since I was invited this time, Mac didn’t get to tag along. That made him moody, but I couldn’t care less, really. He got a little bit excited when he noticed that Sammie were coming around to hang out at our place a lot – until I told him he could be nowhere near her when she was here. Matt would kill him. Mac always had a thing for Sammie; or girls in general, really.

    I was close to being forced to stay home, too. All thanks to Mac, who else? We got into a fight during dinner today – it’s New Year’s Eve, too – and Mom had a headache from last night’s drinking binge. She said that if we uttered another word about a party, both of us would stay home and baby-sit Alex. Of course, Mac had to test if that was really true, so Mom sent us to our rooms, grounding us for the night.

    It was revoked one hour later when Mac’s complaining became too much to take for anyone in the house. It didn’t matter to me; I would’ve snuck out later anyway, like I always do.

    There were a lot of people at the club where Suspended Motion – Lex’s band – was performing. I ran into a few other friends there; Sammie had not exaggerated when she’d told me that I wasn’t the only one to be invited. Good for her.

    I bumped into Sammie and Anna later, after they’d finished all their songs. “Where’ve you been?” Sammie demanded. “I thought you wouldn’t show up! You’re late!”

    “I was almost on time!” I objected.

    “Yes, almost,” she said. “Lex was looking for you!”

    “No, she wasn’t,” I said, rolling my eyes.

    “Well, she was looking around the room many times.”

    “Don’t be so dramatic. I’m sorry I’m late. Mac made a scene. My mom grounded us for a minute or two.”

    “Well, you’re here now,” Sammie smiled. “We’re heading over to Anthony’s as soon as we’ve packed our stuff together.”

    “Should I offer to help you carry stuff?” I asked uncertainly.

    “Nah, we got it,” Sammie said. “You and Lex shouldn’t be so close to each other anyway.”

    “Is Brad here?” I had to ask.

    “Yeah. Not as her date, just in general. Lex told him to come if he wanted to.”

    “Don’t cause ruckus,” Anna said, smiling slightly.

    “I promise, no ruckus. You can kick me out if I start to be ruckus… ly.”

    “You got it. You know Penny, Chris’s friend, right?”

    “Yeah,” I mumbled, trying to see if Lex was around. “Why?”

    “You can give her a ride or share a cab with her to Anthony’s place. Robbie’s taking us and our equipment in his van and there’s really no room for anybody else.”

    “Sure.”

    “Oh, and could you just ask Dante if he wants to catch a ride with you?” Sammie requested with her sweetest smile.

    “It feels like you’re setting me up with all your friends,” I grumbled.

    “Oh, no, I’m not. It’s just… you have a car.”

    “Fine. I’ll be the designated driver. I’m not giving Brad a ride, though. I’m not that nice.”

    “Thank you, Fred, you’re the best,” Sammie ranted hurriedly and went back to the stage. “I owe you one!”

    “You owe me many.”

    “Well, yeah,” she giggled. “Go find the others. We’ll meet you there.”

    “Oh, goody,” I sighed.

    Anthony lives about ten blocks away from the club so it didn’t take too long to get there. The band rehearses there in his garage – it is also a perfect location for having a party since it’s not in his apartment and doesn’t bother too many tenants. It’s a great place to just hang out at.

    Lex was clearly avoiding me after our little tiff on Christmas Day. I didn’t even see her until close to 11:00 pm, when Sammie practically dragged her out from Anthony’s apartment to the garage. Sammie was right, though. Lex worried me a lot less when I knew she was around and I could concentrate on doing something other than ‘stalking’ her. I talked to Robbie, Lex’s older brother, a while before he left for another party. I haven’t seen him at all since Lex and I broke up. We always got along fine, despite the fact that I was doing his sister.

    Anyway, Sammie allured me to at least talk to Lex, promising dearly that if things were getting out of hand, she’d steer us away from each other. With that in mind (plus that I’d grown tired of trying to make Lex jealous – it lasted about five minutes before I realized that it was dull to act) I approached Lex right around midnight. She didn’t look to be in the most cheerful mood where she was standing against the wall at the back of the room, sipping at her drink.

    “Hey,” I said as naturally as I could procure. She glanced at me for a second and nodded shortly. I decided not to bring up the subject of our argument. Instead I leaned against the wall next to her. “Remember last year at this time?”

    “Yeah,” she answered, smiling a little. “It was nice.”

    “Everything seemed so simple back then.”

    “It did.”

    “Sorta makes it worth it, you know. The memories, I mean.”

    “Yeah.” She turned to me to say something – whatever it was, good or bad; I desperately wanted to hear it – but was cut off by the countdown to the New Year. She looked down into the glass she was holding, tracing her fingers against the top edge, which produced a rather distracting sound.

    “Don’t feel like celebrating?” I went on. Do I ever know when to shut up?

    “No.”

    “Look,” I started. “I’m sorry.”

    “No. I’m sorry. I said some pretty horrible stuff to you that I didn’t mean. So I’m sorry.”

    “Okay. I’m sorry, too.”

    “I know you are,” she said weakly. “But you keep apologizing so much that I felt that it was my turn to say it first this time.”

    We stayed silent for a while, not exactly in an awkward silence; just in silence, plain and simple. I finished my drink but didn’t feel like going to get another one. I noticed that her glass was empty as well. Finally I had to say something. “I know you probably think I lied to you earlier when I said I’d stay away from you and then I didn’t. I just felt that I needed to come here and… I don’t know; some kind of closure? I know it’s hard to be friends after having such a long relationship but I really don’t think I could do without having you in my life. So, maybe when things aren’t so strained between us maybe we could see each other again?”

    “Yeah. I’d like that.”

    “And I promise I won’t interfere with your life and show up randomly without letting you know about it first. I won’t ask Jeff or Sammie or anybody else what you’re doing and stuff like that. If you wanna tell me, that’s okay. I just won’t mind your business unless you want me to. That’s all I wanted to say; both now and the last time we met. I just didn’t say it very well.”

    Lex looked at me. “That’s okay. We were both acting kind of immature. Screaming fits aren’t our thing, really.”

    “No, not at all.”

    “I didn’t mean to hurt you,” she said. “I didn’t mean to let you see me with Brad and I didn’t mean to say all those stupid things I said. I lied to you and I feel really bad about it. I said that I regretted ever being with you, when in reality, I don’t. You were the best thing that could ever happen to me. I do hope that we can become friends some day. I’d hate it if I didn’t have you in my life at all anymore. And I miss you.”

    “Yeah. I miss you, too.”

    Last week, before all of this happened; I would’ve done anything to get my girlfriend back with me. It didn’t matter to me the slightest that there was an actual point behind our break-up. Lex was right when she said that I hadn’t learned anything from our relationship. I was feeling sorry for myself; so caught up in how badly I was doing that I didn’t care at all about Lex.

    Maybe it just got too serious. I’m probably not responsible enough to have a relationship with Lex. I tried so hard to give her everything she wanted when I should’ve done better at listening to her and talking to her.

    We’re obviously not ready to get back together. I still don’t understand why she left me and she probably doesn’t understand why I acted the way I did.

    So we just stood there, in another silence, watching the arrival of another year pass us by. The one thing that brought me comfort was that… at least I was there, with her. I could start the new year with her and hope that maybe we’d worked things out by this time next year. It’s not a lot to cling on to but it’s all I have. I guess it’s enough for now. She’ll always be here.

    I’ll always have her in my heart.