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3. A Little Respect
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At first Fred and I decided to get married in December, because that was eight months away and would give us plenty of time to plan it. But then something happened that made me change my mind regarding all our previously set plans.
Before I told my parents and family about Fred’s proposal, I had to tell Jeff. Jeff is my best friend and I’ve known him for almost fifteen years. We grew up together and went to the same school all through high school.
I wasn’t convinced he’d love the idea of me getting married, because he’s had his issues with Fred in the past. Fred can be a real idiot at times, sure, but he’s never been anything but good to me. He’s taken care of me and he loves me. Even Jeff admits that if he has to. It’s true that Fred had problems to deal with when he was younger, but most people have problems. Jeff has too.
Jeff’s biggest concern is about Fred’s old drinking problem. In high school, Fred had a period where he was constantly unhappy with his life. He wasn’t even going out with me when that happened. His father was giving him a hard time, beating him up for no apparent reason at all. He also had a messy relationship with another girl – Jeff should be able to relate to that since he dated her too – so I don’t blame Fred for losing his grip of his life.
But he straightened up. He and I got together and he really cleaned up his act. He stopped his excessive drinking and he stopped messing around. He keeps saying that he owes it all to me, although I think it’s mostly because he knew he’d be screwed if he didn’t acted better.
I’m sure Jeff’s aware of all that, but he’s not too keen on accepting the truth. To him, Fred is just a guy with a really bad temper. They get along fine and have no problem hanging out with each other, but Jeff’s opinion about Fred is that he’s basically a good guy, but not good enough for me.
I’m starting to wonder if anyone is good enough for me in Jeff’s eyes.
To talk to Jeff would be complicated, and to convince him to be accepting of the wedding would be even trickier. I was nervous because I knew it wouldn’t be easy.
The premises we use to rehearse with our band – called Suspended Motion – is located a few blocks away from where I live with Fred. We used to rehearse in Anthony’s garage up until we made enough money to be able to move to a place of our own. Anthony, Chris, Sammie, Matt and Anna are the other members of the band. We’re all best friends, but we tend to argue a lot despite that.
I waited until the end of one of our rehearsals to tell Jeff. The others had left the place already and it was only Jeff and I there. I was probably looking at him weird, because he asked what was up with me.
“I have something really important to tell you, and I’m not sure you’re gonna like it,” I explained, closing my bag.
Jeff raised his eyebrows. “I see. I’m sure it can’t be that bad.”
“Just remember how much this means to me. I really want you to understand.”
“Fair enough. What is it? I’m not carrying anymore of your damn boxes.”
“Don’t worry, you won’t have to. Everything is already moved. We just have to set it up and unpack and stuff.”
“Good. Well, then, I see no reason why you should be uptight. Spit it out.”
I drew a deep breath, deciding how to say it. “You know the other night when Fred came to pick me up early from rehearsal and took me out on a date?”
Jeff shrugged. “He does that a lot, but sure. You haven’t dumped him, have you? Because you’ll only end up regretting it later.”
“No, there was no dumping going on,” I assured him. “He took me out to a really fancy restaurant, it was all very romantic, and then he accidentally drank some wine – though he might’ve done it on purpose, I don’t know…”
“Lex, get to the point sometime this week.”
“He wants to marry me. He proposed.”
There was a moment of silence. I bit my lip, gazing at him to let him know I wanted a reply to this statement. “Oh, I see. What’d ya say?”
“I said yes, of course. What else was I supposed to say?”
“You could’ve said no,” Jeff muttered, not overly enthusiastic about my news. “I don’t think you should get married.”
“You just said-”
“I don’t think you should break up, but I don’t think you should get married either. I think it’s a mistake,” Jeff explained sternly. I suddenly knew how impossible it would be to get him to realize the positive side about this.
“Why?” I asked; a little hurt by his attitude.
He shook his head at my stupidity. “Because you’re too young to be getting married. You should at least finish college, and get some life experience first.”
“I really do love him, Jeff.”
After that, Jeff changed tactics. “He’s not the right guy for you. He doesn’t deserve you.” Why would he say something like that when he knows how much I love him? He was acting like a hypocrite, changing his opinions based on what would convince me the best.
“Jeff, I can’t marry him if I don’t have your approval. Please, just give us your blessing,” I begged, starting to feel uncomfortable.
Jeff continued to shake his head, avoiding looking at me. “No. I don’t approve of this at all. If you do this, you’re on your own.”
“You can’t be serious!” I exclaimed desperately. “Jeff, you know how much he means to me! How can I make you change your mind?”
“You can’t, Lex,” he sighed. “It would be a huge mistake if you got married. I’m sorry, but I don’t think he would be good to you in the long run.”
“What? What are you basing that on? He’s done nothing but treat me well since we started going out!”
I knew he would turn Fred’s old behavior against me. I would’ve been surprised if he hadn’t.
“You want to stay here listing the pros and cons?” Jeff snapped, getting up from the floor.
“Sure,” I challenged, knowing we’d start fighting unless we could agree on something. “For starters, he’s always honest. He has integrity and a sense of humor. He’s always nice and helpful. He loves me, he treats me well, he worries about my well-being and he really cares.”
“He’s also moody, violent and immature. He’s got a bad temper and he used to have some sort of drinking problem,” Jeff ranted, saying all the things I was afraid he’d mention. “Do you really want to risk getting stuck with that for the rest of your life? He’ll leave you if it gets difficult enough. He can’t express his feelings-”
“What do you know about it, huh?” I snarled, losing my temper. “You don’t know him like I do. You’re making a whole bunch of that up! He’s not violent. He’s never caused a fight in his entire life! He’s caring, forgiving, good-looking-”
“That shouldn’t be criteria for marrying him!”
“-and he’s good in bed.”
“That shouldn’t either!” Jeff sputtered angrily. “I really don’t need to know that. Marriage shouldn’t be based on sex anyway. It should be based on trust and love.”
“Fred is the most trustworthy guy alive! He always tells the truth, and he loves me so much. Plus, the sex should count because it’s really, really good!”
“You’re being immature about all this,” Jeff decided. “That’s another reason to why you shouldn’t do it. You both need to grow up and realize how insane this is. Fred isn’t ready to get married. He’s still just a kid, and so are you. Go to college, date some more people, get yourself a real, independent life before you decide if you want to get married. Lex, listen to me. It’s wrong to marry Fred.”
Why would it be wrong to marry someone who spends his existence making me truly happy?
“You just don’t get it. I thought you of all people would understand, and help me. Nobody seems to understand that it’s my choice, and I’ll marry whoever I want,” I mumbled, referring to my family’s reaction to me moving in with Fred. “Fred has spent years making me happy. He’s always made me feel wanted and he’s always respected me. Why is it wrong to marry someone you love?”
“It’s not love,” Jeff said, giving me a sad look. “I don’t know what it is, and I know you’ve been happy with him, but it’s not enough. It’s not enough to base a marriage on.”
“You’re my best friend, I really thought you’d be happy for me, but now I’m not even sure I want you around,” I said, swallowing hard. Of course I want him to be there. He’s all that matters to me. Him and Fred. “You’re just like the rest of them. I can’t believe this.”
“Lex, just hear me out-”
“No! If you don’t approve, fine. I don’t need you to destroy what should be the happiest day of my life. If you don’t want to be a part of it, don’t be,” I snapped, saying all the things I didn’t really mean. “I just hoped you’d be a bit more supportive and helpful.”
“I can’t support something that you’ll end up regretting for years to come.”
“Then, just don’t come to the wedding. It’s your choice. I’m not sure I want you there anyway.”
We stared at each other in silence. Then we just broke up, walking away to go home. We didn’t talk again, not even during our rehearsals. Silence reigned, and our friendship seemed to be more than over.
The minute I left the room, I started crying, and I couldn’t stop until I reached the building where Fred and I lived. I decided to go for a walk instead of going up to Fred, because I didn’t want him to worry. The anger finally struck, and when I was walking by the convenience store further down the street, I stopped and grabbed my cell phone.
Fred answered after only three signals. “Hey, do we need anything from the store?” I asked, trying to sound casual.
“No, I think we’re set. Where are you?”
“Just taking a walk. I’ll be home soon.”
“Take a cab,” he suggested. “Don’t walk in the dark, Lex.”
“Okay,” I agreed, even though I had no intention to walk anywhere but home. “Hey, do you think we can reschedule the date of the wedding?”
“I guess. You need more time?”
“No, I need less. I mean, it’s ridiculous to postpone it until December. Don’t you wanna get married now?”
“Well, yeah, but-”
“I think we should get married in June. Do you want that?” I asked.
Fred was quiet for a second. “Uh, sure… Why the sudden change?”
“I just want to be married. Okay?”
“Okay. We’ll talk more about it when you get back.”
“I have a new date set,” I quickly added.
“What?”
I looked around and saw a sign on the store window, advertising strawberries for $2.50. “June 25th,” I said.
“Alright…” Fred mumbled, probably very confused. “I guess that sounds good. Kinda soon, but if that’s what you want, that’s what we’ll do. Hey, get home now. I miss you.”
“I miss you,” I whispered, feeling all weepy again. “I love you.”
“I love you too.”
I went into the store and bought the strawberries. I didn’t return to the building until I’d eaten every single one.
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