Video Game Disaster

    Now I’ve screwed up again. Today’s happy story is about my inability to do many things at once.

    I was playing Donkey Kong with Catalina, and she’s vicious. At least when it comes to that stupid monkey game. We always argue with each other when we play video games. She’s much better than I am, and when she first started to teach me how to play, she screamed at me whenever I did wrong.

    Excuuuse me if I didn’t spend my childhood next to the Nintendo. Sheesh.

    Anyhow. We were in the middle of some battle, and I was speaking to my mother at the same time. With the phone pressed to my shoulder, since my hands were occupied with controlling that damn stupid monkey.

    “You’re supposed to jump over it!” Catalina howled at me, while my mother was convienently scolding about how low my grades are. Jump, low, high, go. Yes, I was distracted.

    “Fredrik,” Mom said – God I hate my name – “You could at least pay attention to me. I am trying to talk to you.”

    “Sure,” I muttered automatically.

    “Your grades need to get better or your father will pull you out of your little program and send you back home,” she ranted, while my adorable girlfriend yelled at me for falling off a cliff.

    “Uh, whatever.”

    “Listen, honey.” Honey? Since when am I honey? “Just because you think you’re with the right girl, doesn’t mean you have to stop looking.” My mom thinks that the reason I stay in Minnesota is because of Catalina. She doesn't realize that I would rather live in Sibiria than to spend time with crazy-ass mother.

    “Sure. Catalina, stop shouting at me.” Neither of them shut the hell up and that poor monkey died several more times until Catalina lost her patience and started yelling obscenities. Something about a monkey whore, monkey bitch, monkey Goddamn stupid shitty monkey.

    And my mother heard it. “Is that the girl?” She never refers to Catalina as Catalina, it’s always ‘the girl’. Maybe she doesn’t know her name? She doesn’t even know my name, right?

    “I hate this game!” Catalina cried, throwing both the remote, handcontrol and game into the wall. She takes DKC far too seriously. It’s even worse when I beat her at Mario Cart or whatever it’s called. I had to bribe her with pizza just to get her to talk to me again.

    Girls.

    “Calm down, will ya? Mom, I don’t want to move back home again! Lina, don’t stomp on the game.” So instead of listening to them, I tuned out. While Catalina was kicking at the bed, I continued playing what was left of the game.

    She has a weird influence on me, ‘that girl’. Once that little mental monkey started running into walls, I cursed more than I really should with my mother being on the phone and all.

    So now, my parents think I’m having mental problems just because Mom heard Catalina say fuck twenty times in a row while I was calling Diddy a shitty monkey whore.

    I need a new hobby. Harsh Nintendo playing doesn’t cut it anymore. Especially not now when Catalina has broken two of the games.

    Girls.

PART #5
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